Lonely, unwanted, and tired.

It's all too easy. It's easy to see the greener grass that could be if that one person just stepped up, trust me, I know. It's easy to tell yourself that you could be doing more, that maybe if you just changed a couple more things that everything would be better. If only you were better maybe everything would be different, trust me, I know. It's easy to feel exhausted. It's easy to feel like you're done and telling yourself that you're okay with being alone because obviously you just can't get it right. Trust me when I say I know what it's like to feel like life isn't giving you a break and you come to the conclusion that maybe it's just you.

What's hard is feeling complete making a dinner for one. What's hard is not getting the effort back you're putting in and walking away instead of trying harder for someone who, sadly, isn't trying for you. What's hard is feeling lonely, unwanted, and tired but still confidently knowing that it isn't you. 

I'm not writing this to give you some false sense of fairytale. What we all need, lonely or not, is a sense of security and contentment with being alone. Your relationship status has no effect on your ability to have singular worth. It is possible to be happily alone; unfortunately, the word alone has a bad aftertaste because of self and societal expectations and views of what happy looks like. The good news is that luckily you have all the say in what you do and what you find fulfillment in. Although it's not easy, fulfillment can be found in yourself. Your life can be written where you're the main character and also the only one that's consistent throughout the entire story. Don't forget, some of the very best stories aren't love stories at all. 

Slaying The Game

        

       A little over a year ago I was oozing with confidence. I was the girl wearing four inch wedges, bright red lipstick and walking with a swinging blonde ponytail. The truth was, I felt awesome and I didn't care about all of the weird looks I got (me being the only person in my 8 am math class that wasn't wearing pajamas or sweatpants). I can't say that I've lost all confidence, because I haven't, but my wedges and booties, that would make it so I was no longer 5'7 but 5'11, haven't seen the sunshine in quite some time and if I remember correctly, the last time I wore red lipstick I took it off immediately because I felt I looked too bold. Let's define bold, shall we? 

bold

bōld/

adjective

1. 1.

   (of a person, action, or idea) showing an ability to take risks; confident and courageous.

   I'm not sure when being bold became a bad thing, but evidently, it had. Bold had always just been a word to describe a makeup look to me i.e. Her purple lip is bold, his blue eyeshadow is bold, her rainbow highlight is BOLD. I never thought to look up the definition of such a simple word that is used commonly to describe things that happen that, for lack of a better term, ARE bold.        


    Well ladies and gents, I think it's time that we gave the word bold the appreciation it deserves. I know for me, personally, I would love to be described as someone that was confident and courageous, wouldn't you? I'm not sure where my confidence went, but I am sure that from this point on, being bold is something worth striving for. Be the person that's known for having the ability to take risks. And while you're taking those risks, own them.