He fell in love with her right away
First her smile, her laugh
Then the way she was so undeniably flawed
and spoke of it without regret or remorse
She was closed, but warm
The world had not turned her cold
He didn't think it had the strength to
Her heart was warm and that's where he wanted to stay
But he was with another
Another that he thought of as forever for so long
He denied his love
He denied her warmth
Until he was too cold to go any longer without it in grasp
He broke a heart
He gained a truer love
A love he never thought possible
But warmth didn't love him in return
She didn't know how, she never had
He pursued, she gave in
Mistakenly he gave her a gift
A gift that lead to resentment
A gift he wanted to return
The gift faded, all on it's own
And he suddenly knew what heartache was
A year later
A near death and long hospital days
Cancer threats and a long mad haze
Warmth loved the boy
Loved him more than anything in the world
And if that's not a love that's concurred
Then I don't know what love is


           xo - d

Being in control.

By instinct, taking control, whether it be day to day plans, your shopping trip or even in bed, women are notorious for incessant planning. Everything has to be planned out, to the minute, so you have full control and know what's to be expected.

It's invigorating and calming at the same time when you know how your day, or even week, is going to go. Step by step. Just how you made it. 

But what if I told you that the key to happiness is not planning at all. What if it was simply going with the flow, living day by day, just seeing what happens. 

You may find that the stress and anxiety of your day was all 

                        apart of the planning. 

xo - d

Change is challenging.

And yes, I mean in every aspect of the word. 

But a lot of time, I believe that what we think we want to change isn't the problem at all, it's ourself. And that alone could be the hardest feat of all.

Everyone has a story, different from the rest, yet similar in some areas in which we connect and grow, together. You latch on to people that find the same emotion in things that you do. The rain makes you vulnerable, sensitive. Romantic movies/novels make you sad, yet hopeful. The awfully rude people you work with make you irritable and spiteful; towards anyone that crosses your path. A majority of the time, the people we latch onto we feel better around. We feel that because we have common faults, they can't be faults at all.

Wrong. 

I never understood how one would "surround yourself with people you strive to be." I'm too independent for that, I'm the better one of my friends, they should want to strive to be me.

And there it was, arrogance. Something all of my friends and I had in common.

It took me a really long time to come face to face with my denied flaw but once I did, figuring out how to change it was the next step. I came to find that who I surrounded myself with was the issue. I lost a lot of friends, yes. But my happiness is significantly different, even if it had to cause heart ache to get there. 

Some of my very best friends were toxic and in the reverse, the great ones weren't letting me be me: someone full of faults. 

I learned that when the going gets tough, all of your friends judge you. But I also learned that when you have to stand up, even if on your own, you build character. A new found character that makes you wonder

Maybe change is good.

xo - d

If you want it, does that make it yours?

I believe growing up, everyone has the same instinct. Whether you refer to it as jealousy, weakness, or desire - the same few words come out more than most would accept. 

I want.

Whether you want to be thinner, or on the reverse, gain weight. Whether you want to make more money to feed your family or buy that new expensive pair of heels; not feel so lonely at night curling up in your bed alone or not feel so lonely laying next to someone you thought you loved. Regardless of the circumstance, people want change. It could be minor or major, but there's always a want for change, something different. 

Well I'm going to let you in on a little secret...you're in control. You can do it, whatever "it" may be.

Too often we don't believe in ourselves, therefore we never take the initiative to try. To jump. To do the unexpected, to stray from the ordinary. 

Negativity is easy, negativity is eaten up and loved by many and almost always encouraged. 

I believe want is a negative word, which has a negative effect. It's not encouraging, nor is it motivating.

So next time you go to say you want something, tell yourself you're going to.

because you can.

xo - d